We couldn’t help noticing that you have been keeping an eye on the next gen iteration of ‘Sonic the Hedgehog’ with a quiet, cautious optimism. We have tried to break your spirit many times in the past with steaming piles of poop like ‘Shadow the Hedgehog’ and ‘Sonic Heroes’, and yet you still cling doggedly to the hope that one day a Sonic game might come along that is actually halfway decent.

Well, today we’d like to strike another cruel blow, in the sincere hope that your already crumbling faith in our creative team might at last shatter into dust.

Introducing, Generic the Hedgehog!

We are aware how much you hate poorly designed Sonic ripoffs, and we have witnessed how you have tried to defend our earlier clone hedgehog, claiming things like “Shadow’s not so bad” and “He’s better than most fan recolours out there!” So we designed Generic especially for you, Mr Virus, working around the clock and trawling the lamest fansites on the ‘Net, to create a character of the most appallingly dull design imaginable, in the hopes that you might find no redeeming qualities with which to build even the feeblest defence.

We hope that, if not broken completely, your naïve and futile optimism for ‘Sonic the Hedgehog’ has at least been unpleasantly soured by this announcement, and we look forward to disappointing you again in the future.