Aide and dogsbody to Commander-In-Chief Schaefer, Simmons is a smug and smarmy little git who would’ve been fired for insubordination by now, if it wasn’t for the inconvenience that would cause in the Commander’s offices. I mean, he knows where everything is. I’d have to go through all the rigamarole of training a new guy, and Simmons already knows just how I like my coffee, and I’m quite particular about it, it could take weeks for a new aide to get right. Plus, to be quite honest, it’s very hard to tell sometimes if Simmons is actually being insubordinate or not. He does this dead-pan sarcasm thing, and it’s like, are you being sincere, or are you taking the piss out of me? Very frustrating.

To sum up: competent aide; snarky git.

His first name is ‘Riktor’? Since when?