I have no idea which comic is going up today.
So anyway, I recently became unemployed (shouldn’t last too much longer though) and like all unemployed people, I partook in some day time television. I am never doing that again. However, during this terrible experience I’ve learned a few things about and from soap operas:
- Nobody is every happy for more than five minutes before some terrible tragedy occurs. Even on their wedding day something will fuck up or an event from the wedding will lead to a future crisis.
- Cancer is more common than the common cold on these things. Also, amnesia. – EVERYBODY gets pregnant. Even a 40 year old virgin who has lived in a 20*20 room for all her life will somehow manage it if this room was in Summer Bay/Palm Springs/etc.
- People come back from the dead all the damn time for the simple reason that nobody ever finds their body. This might be because the searches always get called off five minutes after they’re reported missing.
- The career criminal will always reform for love, unlike in real life where they just keep going to prison.
- Everybody has a deep dark secret. Usually this involves murder, or manslaughter, or cancer.
- Apparently only American soaps have an abundance of evil twins. They also tend to lack goatees.
- 4 out of 5 kids are born out of wedlock.
- School teachers seem to care about their pupils, rather than just being glad to get away from the ungrateful buggers when the bell rings.
- Again with teachers, there will always be one kid who falls in love with them no matter how fuck-ugly they are. – Even if a character came out as gay 5 years ago, people still make a huge deal about it instead of just accepting it and moving on with their lives.
- There are more crazy cult houses than churches.
- Everyone is either Christian or Jewish. You don’t seem to get many Muslims in Australia.
- On that subject, there are no black people in Australia according to these things. – Everyone gets divorced.
- Fires are so common that I’m starting to think some dodgy electrician has clients in every corner of the world.