#488 – Welcome To My Parlour
August 15th, 2014 |
And that, patient reader, is gonna have to about do it, until I’m back from my World Tour. Lest ye know not: I live in Canadia with my Canadan missus. We’re going to the UK, visit Scotland, visit family in Cumbria, meet some of the forum folks in Staffordshire. Rather a busy schedule, so we’re taking something of a scenic route back: fly to Spain, get on a boat, and take a two week-long dawdle back across the Atlantic.
I’m gonna be working on some prints and such before that, so I might post something. But comic updates are to resume in October. Scheduled lateness this time.
Is it wrong that Jason Derulo’s “Talk Dirty” popped into my head at this one?
Is it wrong that, though I am arachnophobic, I still find the above seen mildly sexy?
No. Is it wrong that I’m an arachnophobe AND frigid, and still find the above scene mildy hot?
Sooooo much fan porn going to be made because of this scene.
That said, “wiggle” could also be an appropriate song here.
I bet you not ONE piece of porn will be made.
the question isnt whether it will be made, but rather, will they upload and share it on the internet?
Hey guys, I come from the future and I was unable to find any.
The original by Derulo, or the Barbershop Quintent version with Jimmy Kimmel and Kevin Spacey, cause THAT’S what I’m hearing now.
Huh, I thought it was every guys fantasy to be trapped in the bedroom of an extra-dimensional horror.
…
I think Virus may just be a tad weird.
well considering that its a black widow and female spiders have this thing about eating their mates…if it were some kind of extra dimensional bunny horror that be a whole other story
And now we properly have another person on the team with a spider phobia. Although the red dress does look better on her. The real question is if she was a spider before she ascended or afterwards? Before mean black widow = nom nom nom. After = someone like the black and white cult which has a better chance of survival.
Pretty sure that would be The Seducer’s schtick. Part of it, anyway.
The Soulthirster. A Seducer is one of the Soulthirster’s minions (don’t worry, half the writing team gets that wrong sometimes too).
Would that be you or Lothar?
You never know, maybe he has a deep seated vore fetish?
It’s much more likely that he has a deep seated “wanting to live” fetish.
It’s such a shame how we all have that fetish… really makes it hard for the voracious demon ladies to find willing partners, you know?
There is only one way out of this, get her to agree to no biting, feeding, or scratching
What swallowing him whole without biting, scratching and feeding? Under your terms she could just swallow him, let him stew in her stomach acids for a period of time and then puke him out.
She could also trick him into falling down an infinite stairwell, or starve while running around in infinite hallways, or even simply hug him to death.
Nah. The best subversion would be if she said he had to do the same. Meaning that he has his teeth pulled, fingernails yanked, and his stomach removed. With sadism, it is better form to be excessively cruel with twisted interpretations of what the victim asks for, without much deviation. Nothing is better in a torturer’s arsenal than a sense of humor and irony.
What about puns? I don’t see anything in there about puns.
Puns are an appropriate form of torture, but some people like those sorts of things. You don’t want to encourage laughing.
I could think of worse ways to go out than getting hugged to death
Two ways out. One of them requires a REALLY BIG BOOT.
Like, Wargod Demonbane-sized, really.
How could he resist an alluring redhead in garters ? Look, she even has six of them ! ;)
I wonder where she gets her outfits.
The internet is a large, weird, and wonderful place. I imagine when you have the sort of technology they do, that increases significantly.
Perhaps she spins them herself. Silk, you know.
Knits them even.
Spider demon making her own clothes? That makes so much sense that my mind just collapsed!
Now I’m imagining her getting bored of being an object of veneration and opening a craft and tailoring store called Visions by Vitani (Plus Patterns to Die For!)
Or eating a cultist for interrupting her while she’s sewing.
On the web.
Badum-tish
A Most Appropriate Avatar.
Virus may as well just go for it. Whatever she wants, it’s probably more than just to eat him and he’s better off having fun and then finding out her nefarious purpose than skipping straight to the evil.
Isn’t Syrus a rat? Can’t he just, you know, gnaw through the walls or something? Or get her a coffee, lots of coffee. To Spiders coffee is the booze! (And this is true, I’ve seen a spider that a sip of one of my friends coffees and it stumbled off like it drank ten times it’s weight in Jack.)
Depending on how your friend likes their coffee, the spider might have :P
He likes it strong. I once poured half a cup on a dead plant and it sprang back to life.
Wow. And he doesn’t like alcohol in his coffee? That is some strong Joe. He must leave the pot plugged in half the day or something.
It almost sounds like the coffee version of this drink:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chifir
I’d probably be equally terrified in his situation, but while on this side of the fourth wall all I can think is “how often do you get hit on by a demonic redhead?”
The corollary is: Do you WANT to be hit on by a Demonic Redhead, and is getting hit on by a Demonic Redhead a good thing?
Sorry you lost me at “redhead”
He lost me at “demonic”
…What? Captain Kirk was a big inspiration of mine.
Yes.
… What? I like redheads.
Now i’m going to be wondering that all the week. Great.
*Looks at the strip’s title* “… said the spider to the fly.”
Some of the titles are last minute jobs, at 2am blearily googling synonyms to make puns, with very mixed results. This one was in stone long ago.
Have fun on your vacation!
Thanks! We will!
::starts planning a detailed plot of kidnapping with the intent of forced continuation::
Oh, uh…yeah. Uh…have fun.
(hmm…should I wait till he leaves Cambria or before he gets there….)
A way to make her truly demonic, courtesy of my girlfriend: “Have her voiced by Fran Drescher!”
Actually that could work really well since she has both her nasal and smooth version.
I thought a requisite of being a redhead was being demonic…
So… anyone want to start a betting pool on whether Wolf is alive or not?
I’m gonna go with “Don’t look in the closet, or under the bed” for my bet.
I’ll bet he’s already waiting in the next gag with an, inexplicably, undigested Beaver.
Wow, two months is a long time for a rat to bork a daemon spider.
… not sure I like where this is going
Looks like I was worried about nothing. Mind Fuckery (and hopefully not the other kind) ahoy!
…I’ve heard being raped by an abomination is like an Escher painting…
And just imagine if the rest of the gang walked in on them midway.
If the rest of the gang walked in on them midway I’d expect one of two things. Either they keep putting posters of her up in his room to torment him, or blackmail for life. Or… and this would be awesome; a spider demon showing up several arcs layer calling him Daddy! Which may or may not be the same spider demon in the first place just continuing to mess with him by formshifting.
Actually that would be really, really funny. I’d draw it myself if I had one iota of drawing talent.
I think she has a thing for him. Admittedly, for a rat, he’s kinda pretty… prettier than Harold or the other two. But she spent a fair while making sure she had some loverwear that made her look her best, killing at least one of her high priest servants in the process. Either she’s that devoted to fucking with her favorite prey or she actually thinks he’s handsome.
We’ll have to wait forever and see I guess.
Your thoughts mirror my own. Though there is the possibility that she needs Virus for something, and as such she needs to keep him close and on-hand. If that’s the case, then the mind-fuckery and seduction are just fun ways for her to pass the time until all is ready for the next step.
one can never tell just what direction these guys will go
Mind-fuckery followed by actual fuckery? Could be she actually does like him… Or needs his mojo.
Alternately, it could be that he’s just fresh meat, and not anything special beyond not being a puppet corpse like everyone else in the compound.
Impending violation aside, for some reason I find myself wondering if that dress is naturally red, or if it’s the white one she had on earlier simply dyed with blood from the beaver and wolf.
Not the same dress. Not only was the white one ripped apart when she went full-demon, but the two are cut differently. The other one had more cloth going up over the shoulders than the spaghetti straps of this outfit.
Nah, blood goes brown too fast. I know that because of something totally innocent, i sweat
There are far worse ways to go out than with a bang.
Yup. Like with a crunch.
I honestly think A) she’s serious about the whole seducing Virus thing (God only knows why though) and B)fucking with the whole eating him after it bit, she COULD but probably wouldn’t. I would laugh if this entire daemonic incursion was solved just by Virus having really traumatic sex with the enemy.
You misspelled “amazing.”
*whiney voice* Ahhh….Are you trying to seduce me, Mrs Robinson?
I thought it was “Mrs. Robinson You’re trying to seduce me.” but then again I only saw THAT specific clip and besides, one can really only use that phrase if the male is young while the female is a cougar, yes I’m aware that’s some form of double-standard but I stand by it
Well…..there goes my theory of her trying to get at Harry right out the window. Though, if my theory of her being able to gain knowledge from EVERY spider that ever lived, she’s probably interpreting Virus’ hobby for the weird, strange, and daemonic to include “sexual lust.”
Also, I think she’s been taking side lessons from Soulthirster along with the Patterner worship. XD
Did no one else notice the difference in the doors he went through vs. the door whose handle he’s rattling?
Dimensional manipulation. That or a Daemon did it. =D
“or”? :P
Best. Scene. Ever. Totally. I expected her to get V alone, but not quite that way. Man, I am so giggly right now! Poor Virus probably has nothing but cosmic horror visions running through his head right now. Ah yes. The idea of being seduced by sociopathic entity that has shown mower then just a small desire for a furry meal.
So either get it on with a daemonic she-spider who’s is part of a arachnid species that’s famous for eating their mates…
Or just shoot her, many, many times.
That reminds me, why isn’t he shooting it?
I mean, he didn’t drop his gun somewhere, did he?
She’s a daemon-prince(ss), I doubt bullets will do much except piss her off. That and since she’s of the Patterner, so sorcery will undoubtedly be a strength of her’s and she could probably deflect the bullets or disarm him before he’d even get a shot off.
Mort got shot 6 times before he transformed into his spider form and he lived easily. I would think normal bullets do nothing here.
Didn’t they mention in Virus’s profile he uses silver bullets? Or is that Hal?
They aren’t actually pure silver. They’re hollow points filled with a silver nitrate solution. And yeah, that’s Virus’ gun. Eastwood just has a .44 that fires normal bullets. It does however, have seven chambers instead of six.
crap this can’t be good. is it getting good and bad for him.? events with a black widow means death.
… This might be the one way Virus gets some… and the sad part is, it might be the last.
Has anything been said of Virus’ interest in or ability to attract female accompaniment? I know it’s kind of a running gag or something that Eastwood can’t get any if he offered to pay for it, but I don’t recall it being mentioned either way with Virus.
(Not that it didn’t come up, just that I don’t remember it. My memory could give black holes pointers on how to suck. :p )
Worth. It.
Welp, he’s fucked. Figuratively and literally.
after all this time look for a girl to shag one finely offer her self to him and this is how reacts man there no pleasing sum people
you’re confusing him with Harry
So Virus is stuck in the bedroom of a dark-skinned red head in lingerie…..be seeing ya Virus!
I must say though that the stockings were an exquisite touch and compliments her abdomen fairly well.
At this point, I’m wondering whether she somehow knows that Virus is technically a Radical Inquisitor, and that’s why she’s so set on him, or if there’s something else going on.
That thought has been on my mind as well. Even if it’s not because of his radical(By inquisitor standards) ways, there’s got to be a reason why she’s so fixated on him. And as much as I want to think that it’s simply because he’s the easiest target, I think there’s more to it than that. But given the various twists the plot has had thus far, I can’t begin to imagine what makes Virus so special.
I wanna see what would happen if these guys were to go to Freddy Frazzbear’s Pizza after hours, rumor says that those animatronic machines are possessed by demons
Rumor?
You mean that people don’t believe they really are possessed?
I personally think it’s because the manager was stupid enough to have AI put into the machines, but the demon story holds credibility, come on, I Can’t be the only one who wants to see them go to Freddy’s
Sooo I have for the past week been computerless so I did not know about this update till just now. And I load the page that has Virus wandering around trying to find Harry and poof he opens a door to find a big black spider hanging out in front of him… I had the same experience this morning trying to leave my house, except I slammed the door shut after screaming for a couple of seconds then continued screaming for almost a minute after. It was however a lovely web and the big black spider was only thumbnail big. But still it was interesting how life imitates art and so on….Though I bet Virus in right now hoping for his big bad super to come squash that bug for him….
Oh and the spider and I were living in harmony until it decided to move from my bannister to my doorframe.
Be nice- it is just trying to eat. Re-locate it to a better spot.
Personally, I would recommend somewhere in the vicinity of the fruitbowl. Pesky little flies are always buzzing around it. Win-Win for you AND the spider.
like I said I had no problem with it and was even going to get my friend who likes spiders to take it away…. then it made a web in my front door frame on a day I had to leave the house. My patience ran out during my 5 minute long hysterical outburst.
Until the moment I opened my door and nearly ran in to that web I thought I had my fear of spiders under control I infact even thought it was the webs that bothered me more but then that happened and I now know that no I still fear spiders and if I ever go on an Indiana Jones type adventure I’m going to hope its someplace like Antarctica where I DON’T have to deal with spiders.
Hope you enjoy revisiting the homestead, maybe I’ll have chance to arrange to meet up with you someplace
Stay frosty
T
Can we please get a “trapped in there for X minutes, but it felt like two months” meta-joke in the next comic? Value of X = high or low depending on humor value.
I wonder how or if he’ll get out of this one
Let’s be honest; we all know how.
Just noticed the “Next update in October” thing.
>.>
I’ve been confused this whole time why the updates stopped.
Now I know.