I have no idea what comic is going up today.

One piece of fan art this week, by Cyber Shadow. Thanks Cyber.

And now a letter to God following events that happened to me yesterday:

To: God@heaven.com
From: lotharhex@notputtingmyrealemailhere.com
Subject: You need a new sales pitch.

Dear God, how are you? I am fine, the cookies were delicious.

I am emailing you today to give you some advice. That advice is that you really need a new sales pitch to get people interested in you, as your current model is extremely annoying.

Today (Monday) I was waiting for a bus after a day performing my civic duty (read: punishment) in the form of jury duty. As the bus pulled up, along the rather large queue an elderly woman, whose nationality I could not pin down, started handing out leaflets. On the front of these leaflets were two football players (and by this I mean PROPER football, not that “Rugby for Wimps” that is played in America). Now I assumed because of this that they were football related. I have no interest in football, so when she came to me I declined, stating this fact. She said to me they were not about football, and they were about your son, Jesus.

Being agnostic I wasn’t interested, yet the woman persisted. After a short speech I pointed to my face and said, “Do you see this? This is me not interested”. She then proclaimed that if I did not accept you and your son that I must be a sinner. To which I raised my hand and said “Sinner right here”. She then went on to say that when you came to judge me and I had not accepted you, I would burn in hell. I replied “Alright then” and ignored her while I made my way towards the bus.

Now God, if you want people to take you seriously, sending out crazy old women who insult your potential followers for being more concerned with missing the bus than the rantings of some senile old bint is not the way to do it. They will most turn away from you, since they don’t want to be associated with crazy people like “Mrs Old Psycho”.

To this end I have three suggestions on how to get me to follow you:

1) Send Master Chief to talk to me. The fact is, if you can get a cyborg super-soldier from 500 years in the future to turn up on my doorstep and talk to me about your teachings, I will listen and do whatever he says. After all, it IS Master Chief.

(No one better email me about that group that is using Halo 2 to spread the message of God, cos I already now about it)

2) Send Samuel L. Jackson along with a really big gun. Look, if you can ignore Samuel L. Jackson holding a really big gun, you’re probably dead already. Plus he has that “ultimate cool” thing going for him, plus he swears in casual conversation. I like that.

3) Send a 7ft tall Amazonian Princess with a Swedish accent wearing nothing but a smile who is open to experimentation. Do I really need to explain this one? If you had sent a woman like this to hand out leaflets in the bus queue, I’d be well on my way to becoming a Vicar about now.

Thank you in anticipation of reply.

P.S. Judas keeps stabbing East’s party members in the back on World of Warcraft. I know he’s a Rogue, but he’s supposed to be on the same team. Could you talk to him for me? Thanks.