Edit, Monday 11th October: Apparently some members of the “International Fuckwit Patrol” lost “respect” for me after posting the rant in this update. You can see the topic on the GameFAQs board (certainly not renowned for their intelligent members) if you fancy searching for it. Seriously people, if you get angry at something that somebody posts on a site dedicated towards humour, you must be high on opinion and low on smarts. You have some serious mental and social problems. What I am trying to say here that if you are taking my comedic rants seriously, you sir, are a Fuckwit. Which in all honesty, just makes me look better :P.
And thus we have the return of your usual EN wackiness. Welcome back Virus. NEVER LEAVE AGAIN! *Gets the cattle prod*
One piece of new fan art this week. The Lothar Way by Ultimate Creature II.
I wanna know something. What the bloody hell is the big deal about this cartoon I keep hearing about? “The Teen Titans”. If you haven’t heard of it, it’s a cartoon where they take an assortment of DC comics teenagers and ENTRUST THEM WITH THE SAFETY OF AN ENTIRE FUCKING CITY!
Does anybody not see there is something really wrong with that? How crappy must these kids parents be agree to this kinda thing? I don’t care how fucking super-powerful they are; teenagers should not be entrusted with the safety of anything for more than an hour. Any longer and they’ll either get drunk, write angsty poetry, listen to horrible music or break something. Usually a combination of the four.
Since I haven’t actually seen Teen Titans, what with not paying for Digital/Cable TV considering the only thing my family ever watched was Sky One and the rest was a fucking rip off. I did a little research into the characters, (which means I did a goggle search and clicked on the very first link, which was shite fan page). In no particular order here is my analysis:
Cyborg: Some stupid kid got in an accident so horrible they fucked around with his internal organs and made him a Cyborg, and named him “Cyborg”, because they spent all the budget on his parts they couldn’t think of a more original name. Look if the kid got in an accident so bad that you had to replace a good 80% of his body with metal, what’s gonna happen when you send the same kid out into horrendously dangerous situations and equip him with lots of things that go “boom” and super strength? Chances are he’s gonna either be dead in the hour, break everything within a ten mile radius, or both. Oh apparently he has anger problems too. Anger problems plus super strength and lots of weapons is a combination for a super VILLIAN!
He’s also lost his penis. That’s gotta be a big blow to the old self-esteem.
Starfire: An Orange alien chick that flies and shoots energy blasts and is orange. It looks like the creators of the show/comic/whatever circumvented the need for secret identities in the fact that nobody seems to bloody give a shit, so we have this orange alien chick walking around as her normally orange self and nobody cares. She apparently is also going through puberty. I don’t wanna be around Titan HQ when she has her first alien period. Energy blasts + mood swings are not a good combination.
She also wants to hump the team leader, Robin. Go fig.
Raven: Well we need an angsty Goth chick in the mix don’t we? Look I’m not going to take the piss out of the angsty Goth chick as it’s far too easy, so here’s a picture of her molesting a chicken instead.
“A little to the left, yeah. Yeah right there, CLUCK!”
Beast Boy: He’s green and turns into any animal he can think of. That’s about it. Now to be honest I cannot think of a situation that any hero can get into where they would need an animal to help them. Aside from maybe sending their tiny pet out of a cell and fetching the keys. That’s about all superhero animals are good for. Aside from that, any problem that a superhero faces can be fixed with mindless violence and a lose grasp of physics. I mean seriously, lets take a normal superhero situation. Beast Boy is surrounded by a villain’s henchmen who have lots of guns. So Beastie turns into something really tough to beat the crap out of them, first thing that comes to mind is a Gorilla.
See, now the thing is, guns still work on Gorillas. In fact, guns are what people use to hunt, capture, and sometimes kill Gorillas with. If there were anything that could be classed as a Gorillas weakness, it would be guns.
Robin: OK, now this is just pathetic. ROBIN IS THEIR LEADER? ROBIN? BATMANS PERSONAL SEX SLAVE? Look, its bad enough sending angsty teenagers into battle against people who would give Superman a hard time, but making their leader ROBIN? Come on, that is not just dangerous, that’s signing everyone on the team’s death warrants! This fan site bio describes Robin as being able to kick the shit out of the other Teen Titans due to experience and training. You know what all that experience boiled down to? Getting captured and having Batman save his arse every 5 minutes.
The only “power” Robin has is getting fucked up the arse by Batman on a daily basis, usually in front of Batman’s Villians, usually the Joker. Who, despite hanging out with a hot young blonde who wore nothing but skin-tight outfits, was not fooling anybody.
Anyway, my point is, Robins sucks, a lot. My 10-year-old cousin could beat up Robin for God’s sake.
There was another one, but she’s dead so I didn’t bother writing anything insulting about her. She’s dead, and the rest are all still alive. She must fucking SUCK big time.
Also, apparently these Teen Titans live in a massive “T” shaped building, and it’s always getting attacked by villains. See this is why you shouldn’t put your secret fucking headquarters at the top of a hill overlooking the city, while using it to spell out part of you name. Sure it may look cool, but everybody knows where you and all your stuff is. And if they are villains, they may want to break your stuff, and more importantly, your face.