I wiki’d my home town of Billingham and I discovered something horrible. Durnst Bruce, one of the lead singers of CHUMBA-FUCKING-WAMBA was born here.

I would just like to say to everyone in the world that I am oh so sorry for the horrible plague we inflicted on the planet because of this no-talent shit-stain who is only remebered for “OI GIT KNOWCKED DAHWN! BUT OI GIT UP AGIN!”

I am going to nuke my home town from orbit to make up for it, OUR EVIL MUST BE STOPPED AT THE SOURCE!

What makes this worse is that East’s home town of Basildon gave birth to DEPECHE MODE. I mean that’s just like a porn star going up to someone who just lost their penis in a tragic (yet hilarious) accident and hitting them in the face with their 14 inch trouser snake.


Now when I originally posted the above on my DeviantArt journal (where I put Chumbawamba as Chumbawumba), some people took this to mean that I was saying Depeche Mode is bad. Now because these people are bloody morons, I have to walk them through the bloody simile! Honestly! That said one of these people is a fucking drug addict who gambles so what do you expect?

So lemme slowly walk it through for you people, and I’ll try to keep the amount of words I use that have multiple syllables to minimum.

Man who had penis cut off = me learning my home town gave birth to Chumbwamba. This is a bad thing.

Porn star with a 14 inch penis = Eastwood whose town birthed Depeche Mode. This is a GOOD thing.

Porn star hitting no-penis-man with his 14 inch penis = what it felt like when I learned of this.