Bloody World Series was on at Donington Park and traffic was horrendous. Stuck for hours. Bout 2:30 before we even got there. And with all the major rides having queues of 45 minutes plus, we didn’t get on an awful lot. Bah.
Comic’s done. Refresh n stuff.
Yay fortnight off work.
I said ‘more timely’, not ‘on time’. That’ll have to do you for now, I have to go. Goin to Alton Towers. I’ll get it finished up when I get back. -Virus
Lothar:
Excrement shall soon be hitting the oscillating unit!
You ever just trawled MySpace and had a look at some of these HORRENDOUS pages, and laugh? I did. Recently I stumbled across a typical emo page. I’m not gonna link to it because the person obviously has some mental problems…well not really, they’d just like to think they do. You know the typical “I’m unloved and dead inside” thing, with black and white pictures of sad girls against doors, next to water and such. The type of person who probably cuts themselves to “feel alive,” a.k.a. get some attention and/or fit into the emo internet sub-culture that seems to turn up everywhere, especially on places like MySpace. You know, the type of person, who says they’ll kill themselves but never actually have the decency to do it?
And then I just had a brainstorm (if you think me using that term is un-pc, wait for the rest of the article). At first, I contemplated the possibility of a serial-killer who only kills emos. Technically it’s not murder, because you’re providing a public service! See, all these whiny bitchy attention whores who are still alive are obviously doing it wrong, so you’re helping them finally shuffle off the mortal coil. It’s also beneficial to the remainder of the public because they don’t have to listen to the constant whining for attention and sex…although how anyone thinks they’ll get sex by slashing their wrists is beyond me, unless a necrophiliac sexes their corpse.
But then I thought…why should this be a free? Theoretically you could hire yourself out as an Assisted Suicide Hitman. Hey, I ever created an acronym for it. A.S.H! I bet you would make a killing! (Sorry about the pun). Seriously, £10,000 a pop, you could easily take out a bank loan to pay it, it’s not like you’re gonna have to worry about paying it back right?
You know, I really hope nobody takes this seriously. Mainly because this is a COMEDY site, and if you take any of this shit that spews forth from my oral orifice seriously, you’ve either got no sense of humour, a less morbid sense of humour than my own, or you’re an idiot. But also because if anyone starts a business of this type, I’LL SUE YOUR FUCKING HEAD OFF! (Also, strictly speaking it isn’t legal)
So very late. But look at it! C’mon! There’s 3D, there’s dificult angles, there’s visual effects… C’mon!
(Make sure and hard refresh if you don’t see it)
This week I’m not working so many hours, and the two weeks after that, I’m not at work at all (woo), so updates should occur in a more timely manner.
I’d put the autoupdate on for last week’s guest comic, and forgot to turn it off again, so Lothar’s post went through with no comic image.
Anyway, I may only be working 37.5 hours this week, not quite Lothar’s 40, but my job’s a damn sight more physical, and I am absolutely wiped the fuck out. I am wearied. I am fine wine, a selection of cheeses, and Jacob’s cream crackered*. And it’s not even over yet, I have to work all day Saturday. Then I’m going to my Dad’s, and while I will have my laptop to continue working, I won’t have internet to upload. So we’re looking at Sunday night at the earliest. Sorry. Hey, I update more regularly than this guy.
*rhyming slang, google it.
As I type this it is now less than a month until Halo 3. EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! I’ve done a bloody good job this time round of not reading any spoilers or getting to much info on the game so hopefully it won’t turn into a big steaming pile of disappointment.
That is unless East activates his Xbox Live Gold account again. “Oh dear, I appear to be horrible at this game, so I’m just going to run you over with the Ghost FOREVER.”
And then he proceeded to do so. Cunt.
Not really much else to say this week, mostly because I cannot be bothered as I am sleepy. What? You want something better? Listen when the rest of you work a 40 hour week, THEN you can bitch.
EDIT: While you’re waiting for the comic to update I have put up a filler image created by my fiancé, Raye. She drew it with her face and feet.
No I’m not making that up, shew drew it by putting her tablet’s stylus in her mouth, and wrote the words with her feet. Yeah…
Well it was quite a daunting task, narrowing down from the dozens, nay, hundreds, no no thousa- okay we got one. Luckily, it was a good one, otherwise that whole endeavour would have been a bit buggered. So many thanks to Grady of the comic Moron County for bailing out our overconfident, self-flattering backsides. Excellent work, gave us a good chuckle.
Next week we kick into act 3 of the Morth story, no Morth Saga, I think, more appropriate. There’s a possibility it may be late (“No, really Virus? You update late? Surely not!”) because I’m working a lot of hours, and I still have 3D to mess around with. If you’ll recall what happened last time I postponed a comic on account of 3D, you may appreciate that we intend to start act 3 in grand fashion.
This is our first guest comic, produced by Thomas K. Dye of Newshounds and a personal favourite of mine Something Happens. What the hell such a recognised and accomplished artist/writer as himself is doing reading our shit I’ll never know. Also, HOW COME WE NEVER THOUGHT OF THIS!? Though technically Father Ted is Irish rather than British, yes, that’ll do as an excuse.
We also have some new fan art by Michelle. An excellent piece by the name of It’s A Fucking Undead. Thanks to Kevin and Michelle for providing content so WE don’t have to.
Speaking of which, we’re still looking for some more guest comics. If you make one please send it to 
.
Also, METAL GEAR SOLID 2 SUCKED ALL THE FUN OUT OF MY FUCKING DAY!
Yes I know I’m SEVERAL years late to be moaning about it, but still.
I saw Metal Gear Solid 2: Sons of Liberty for 4 quid in my local Gamestation and picked it up. I did this because, despite me not liking stealth games, I always wanted a go. Oh what a mistake that was.
Let me explain my reasoning. I hate stealth games, with a passion, games that have a stealth section in them I can handle (even if they are just shoe-horned in for no other reason than to say “HEY WE GOT STEALTH IN IT” on the box) but the storyline has always interested me, and I quite like Solid Snake as a character. And honestly it seems like one of those games you have to play before you form an opinion of it.
But as a game…EURGH. I had to restart the fucking thing three times because of that bullshit “This is your first time playing so tell us what you know” bullshit…which caused me to go STRAIGHT to the bloody Big Shell bit and miss the Tanker bit entirely. So restarted, tried it again, go to the tanker. Then didn’t like how the controls were set…can I change them in the pause menu? NO! Restart and finally get under way, skip the 15 minute bloody cut-scene and start FINALLY. Wandered around, shot some people in the back of the head. Had the gun fight with Olga (hairy pits and all) and decided that I haven’t enjoyed the game at all.
There are multiple reasons I don’t like it. As I previously stated I do NOT like stealth games. But this takes the piss. Fixed point cameras work in some games, but not where you’ve got to be aware of your environment. And why is pressing myself against a wall and peering around a corner such a farce? I have to press stick against the wall, keep it there, then move, and have to press another button to look? And am I missing something or is there no way to aim your gun while doing that? Oh I have to press more buttons so I can go into first person mode? Christ, I know this game is a few years old but why are the controls so absolutely fucking awkward?
Also, somebody just let Hideo Kojima direct a film, that’s what he really wants to do anyway. That way I won’t have to go through 20 minutes of cutscenes for 5 minutes of gameplay. That’s the thing, this story would make a brilliant film, but it’s just ruined by horrible game design. And don’t bloody e-mail me arguing. This is an opinion of a subjective topic, so it’s pointless to e-mail me telling me I am wrong. If I was wrong about anything in Metal Gear Solid 2, it was thinking it’d be worth £4. And no I’m not going back to it, I played that game for about an hour (probably more if you count the restarts) and I didn’t make me want to continue.
I’ve had some difficulty setting up my tablet the way I want it in Vista. Vista’s tablet functionality is great, there’s built-in support for various functions – gestures, handwriting recognition, and such – but several driver versions ago, they removed a feature I made heavy use of: the Button Box.
See, to use Photoshop properly, you need to use certain keys for shortcuts, modifiers, so on. With a dirty great A4 tablet in the way, using the keyboard is impractical. And long-time readers might remember I’ve had problems with RSI in the past, so resting my hand on the keys for long periods in the ‘Shop isn’t a great idea. Wacom Intuos 3 tablets have programmable buttons built into them, to lessen a tablet-users reliance on the keyboard. But I have an Intuos 2, and I have no such buttons. I had a custom setup figured out, whereby the tablet mouse functioned as a ‘button box’ – its cursor movement was turned off, I could place it on the tablet surface at the same time as the pen, and its four buttons were configured to things like ctrl, shift, and space bar. Combined with programmable soft buttons along the tablet’s top edge set to common Photoshop shortcuts, I’d virtually eliminated the keyboard from most of my ‘Shop tasks. But recent drivers are designed for Intous 3, and the button box option has been removed. My options now are: try to get the older XP drivers working under Vista (no luck so far) and lose much of Vista’s new tablet support, or drop a few hundred quid on a tablet upgrade. Or, ya know, use the keyboard.
Right, I’ma be late for work, see you guys later.
End of Part 2. Exterminatus Now will be back after these messages.
Well, uh, Saturday became Monday. Sorry. That took way longer than anticipated. Anyway, we’re taking another short interval here. Hopefully a break will do me good, because the drawing’s been really hard going of late. Just can’t get started, and I don’t lke what I produce when I do start, and disliking sketches leads to more procrastination, hence extremely late updates. A little time off, I might be able to get back into the swing of it. We’ll see.
So next two updates are going to be guest comics. We’ve got one lined up for next week, but we could use another for the week after. So we turn to you, O reader. We are looking for high quality guest strips, rich in the funny. No MS Paint doodles, or scribbles on lined paper please. We are looking for the best of the best of the best, sir. Send to this address: Thanks.
See you guys for Act 3. I better go get some prep work done in my time off. Gonna be big.
