Yes, a master of stealth.

So apparently Prince Charles and Camilla Parker Bowles are finally getting married. My reaction to this ?

“Why the bloody hell is this all over the damn news?!”

See, I was at home ill today with a cold and for two hours I was flicking through the channels and a BBC 1 and ITV 1 spent 2 hours with special news reports. I actually first heard when I was watching “The Wright Stuff” a quasi-political debate show which can be quite entertaining, but they stopped doing their original topic and decided to debate whether Charles getting married was a good idea.

WHAT THE FUCKING HELL? Why are you debating whether this is a good idea or not? Hell they spent 5 minutes live during a Parliament Session where the head of the House of Commons said something that amounted to “Good luck to em” before getting on with his damn job of announcing some new legislation, which we cut away from because we all know nobody gives a shit about politics really, do we? Bloody anal minded testicular crab infested idiots running the news corporations I tell you.

If Charles and Camilla want to get married good for them. So what? They’re two (incredibly ugly) “sensible” adults, they can do whatever the hell they want? Why do I need to know about it? What is this going to change really? And why in the name of Rolf Harris’s ghost (wait, he’s not dead yet, bugger) should I give a shit? Camilla will most likely never be called the Princess of Wales, because that would be oh-so insensitive to Diana’s memory. CAN WE STOP MOANING ABOUT DIANA’S DEATH PLEASE? SHE’S DEAD, DEAL WITH IT! Yes it was a tragedy and suspicious but Jesus, people have mourned for their spouses for less time than people have mourned Diana’s. She died 8 fucking years ago, do you think we can finally let her rest? Oh wait, CHARLES IS RE-MARRYING! Lets dig up that corpse again shall we?

And Camilla won’t be “Queen Camilla” either just like how the Duke of Edinburgh, Prince Philip (Queen’s husband) is not called the King. And to be honest, does anybody in the UK even give two shits about the monarchy any more? THEY DON’T DO ANYTHING. They have no political power what-so-ever, as I have ranted before, the only thing the Queen does is sign a bit of paper when a new law is passed, and if she didn’t do that the Government would dissolve the monarchy. So she does it so she can keep her cushy job where we pay her to do FUCK ALL.

That’d be funny though, monarchy being dissolved and the Royal Family all having to get jobs:

Clerk: How may I help you Ma’am?
Queen: One wishes to seek employment so one can feed ones stupid amounts of Corgis.
Clerk: Right. Can you say “Do you want fries with that?”
Queen: Does one want fries with that?
Clerk: Meh, close enough, sign this. Congratulations, you’re now McDonald’s newest employee!
Queen: Spiffing.

The Next Day:

Lothar: Hey didn’t you use to be the Queen?
Queen: Yes, one did.
Lothar: Moving up in the world.
Queen: One does not appreciate sarcasm.
Lothar: Well one doesn’t appreciate the British public’s hard earned money being used to pay your wages for the last 50 odd years. Welcome to karmic retribution. Population, you!

Then I’d throw acid in her eyes, and laugh. See you Monday, and keep voting.