What’s worse? Filling young children’s minds with swear words, or beating the crap out of them? Discuss.

So the Nintendo DS is coming out in the UK soon, and since I work part time in a game shop, we’ve got a demo one to show the punters and play on. We got the Metroid Prime Hunters demo and the full game of Mario 64 DS to play on it. After playing the DS it hasn’t impressed me really. It’s a nice piece of kit and something new, but the games do not impress me that much. I actually spent more time playing the mini-games on Mario 64 DS than I did the main game, before I got bored of those.

In the past I’ve mentioned I’m not as fond of Nintendo as I am of Microsoft. But they’re still better than Sony and god damn it if every once in a while a game comes out on cube that impresses me(speaking of which, anybody have a release date for StarFox Assault in the UK? One that doesn’t come from Amazon). However those games come out 6 months (average, it can be up to 3 years) after it did in the US, Nintendo, STOP TREATING EUROPE LIKE A THIRD WORLD COUNTRY AND YOU MAY SHIFT SOME MORE CUBES. Personally I believe Nintendo’s strength is in their handheld sector, not their home consoles. But that aside, you know my biggest problem with Nintendo? Their fanboys.

And yes, this is going to be one hell of a generalisation, but it’s mostly true from the experiences I have.

Sony fanboys will try and convince you how cool they are while swearing at you, Xbox fanboys will spout drivel about their hardware being superior (in fairness it’s more powerful and probably the best value for money out of the 3) while swearing at you. PC fanboys will piss on everybody while talking in l33t. However, the Nintendo fanboys will do all that, proclaim all other gaming platforms to be crap, gay, and then start telling you how great the newest Metroid game is compared to Halo, Half-Life, Doom and anything else that even smells of first person shooter. And if you even dare say a bad thing against Nintendo, they’ll make high pitched squealing noises and start calling you stupid, gay, and any other insults that require less than four syllables. All the while, you guess it, swearing at you.

Let start with one argument the Nintendo fanboys use constantly. Nintendo are the most innovative of the 3 console makers. Sorry but that’s not strictly true, while the likes of the Nintendo DS and the Donkey Kong bongos are something quite unique. However, how many fucking sequels and spin-offs are there Mario, Zelda, Pokemon, Metroid, and Kirby games? And those were just the ones off the top of my head. Plus Sony and Microsoft have their own innovations. For Xbox, it’s got to be the sheer ease of use and general good quality of their consoles online service. For PS2? EyeToy and that GameTrak thing. Plus lets not forget that innovation doesn’t automatically mean something is good (again GameTrak). Does anybody remember the ill-fated VirtuaBoy, the E-Reader, GBA-GC connectivity which amounted to pretty much bugger all aside from using the GBA as another controller or unlocking daft extras? Or do we tend to ignore the fact that Nintendo can fuck up sometimes as well?

One thing I’m also sick of hearing is that Metroid Prime is a first person shooter. Do yourself a favour and play some of the original or GBA Metroid games. Were those shooters? No they were Platform/Adventure games. Now, play Metroid Prime. Notice something? It’s the same thing BUT viewed from a first person perspective. I will admit there’s a lot of shooting in Metroid Prime, but it’s hardly the main portion of the game. Making something viewed from the first person does not make it a shooting game.

You want an example of extreme Nintendo fanboyism? There was this poster on the Gamestyle forums called Paladin the Wanderer. His posts were always small essays and he used to raise some good points, but he absolutely REFUSED to admit Nintendo had failings. Hey, I like the Xbox but even I can see it fucked up once in a while. He also claimed this. Nintendo created the EyeToy and sold it to Sony. Now he said he had proof and that we could easily find it if we did a Google search. However, he refused to give evidence of this proof despite saying it was well documented. And when various searches by about 6 other forum members (including myself) turned up nothing, he just said we weren’t looking in the right places. I think he got banned eventually because everyone just got sick of his utter bullshit.

I think that’s about it from me now. I would type more put this post is long enough already. I also don’t want the decent Nintendo fans to feel picked on. If the Sony, Xbox (this one is the least likely), PC or whatever fans piss me off enough, they’ll get their turn.. But to everyone, enjoys the games you like, JUST FUCKING LEARN TO ACCEPT THAT PEOPLE LIKE DIFFERENT GAMES FROM YOU. Yes, debate, but as soon as the debate turns into a insult match, just shut the fuck up and go masturbate or something OK?

Any email from angry Nintendo fanboys will be ignored, deleted and blocked, or your email address will be put up here so people can mock you. So don’t fucking bother alright?