Hey, everybody vote some more. I put a sketch of Blasphemy up there because I was sick of the sight of the Seducer. Actually I’ve been sick of the sight of the Seducer for about a year, I was just too lazy to do anything about it.
UBER CUTE KID ALERT, FLEE FOR YOUR LIFE!
There’s some fan art I need to put up here by Chameleon, I’ll do that when it isn’t almost midnight.
So I just spent 2 hours watching a documentary on the Dan Brown book “The Da Vinci Code” which turned out to be a waste of time as it just went on about how a good deal of the book was fictional (DUH!) with some facts, yet never mentioned that you can defunct a lot of religion quite easily in the same way. I for one find it hard to believe that Leonardo Da Vinci was the leader of a secret cult trying to protect the corpse of Jesus’ wife (or something), just like I find it hard to believe there’s a big bearded bloke in the clouds who created the entire Universe because he felt like it. After the programme there was a web chat with the Producer where you could ask questions about the programme. I went on to ask “Why were two secondary characters in the story named but the main one “Robert Langhdon(sp?)”, was only described as the ‘hero’”, because I just found that odd. What did we get?
The producer answering vague questions such as “Do you think the person in Da Vinci’s Last Supper is a woman” with answers like “I’m not the person to ask this”. I think he used that exact phrase five times. Just goes to show you, if you want to ask serious questions and get serious answers to them, don’t ask anyone involved in television.
What got me though is that in the part where people were just chatting, one guy brought up the Big Bang theory, and then we get a really religious bloke who says something that went along these lines:
Religious Bloke: How do you know the big bang happened? Were you there? There was nothing there to start the Big Bang! God created the Universe!
Me: Were YOU there? If there was nothing there, where did God come from?
Religious Bloke: Were you there? No, so you don’t know what happened! God created the Universe!
See I don’t actually mind religious people, it’s just the few hypocritical idiots like this that are so close-minded it hurts my brain. God forbid (hey look, irony!) that we should use our fucking brains and question what we don’t understand eh? He said I was ignorant and was going to hell. I should have brought up Dinosaurs or something. I may not understand our Universe but at least I’m not a fucking sheep who has to act like a wanker to people who dare question my beliefs. I’m not against religion really, it’s just not very convincing. If God exists, he gave you a brain to think for yourself.
See you on Tuesday where I will probably have a less “blasphemous” rant, no promises.
This comic took far, -far- too much effort to actually create. Especially since it still looks like shit.
Apologies to all for the delay.
Not as bad as the last one, but not brilliantly funny. Apologies, however the next few comics I actually like a lot, I hope you guys will too.
I got into the City of Heroes European Beta last week, as for the game itself its was pretty cool farting on with your heroes powers, but there is literally nothing more to the game than beating up enemies and maybe the odd super-villian. That gets extremely tiring after a while. I got up to level 9 before I got completely bored with the game.
I did notice the stupid amounts of hero rip-offs, which is why Marvel is suing the developers of the game NCSoft. If I recall correctly I have seen:
5 Wolverines
4 Catwomen
3 Hulks
2 DareDevils
2 Elektra’s
2 Hellboys
2 Neos
A “Thing”
A Superman
A Spawn
A Vegeta
An Agent Smith An Agent FUCKING MULDER FROM THE X-FILES (What fucking superpowers did he have huh? Aside from having a look of complete apathy 99.9% of the time)
A Conan
And a He-Man.
I’ve probably seen more, but I can’t remember all I have seen (I didn’t seen any Spider-Man rip offs to my amazement). But seriously people what is wrong with being that little tiny bit original. It took me less than twenty minutes to create my Science Tanker “CAPTAIN BLUNT!” (Named because he lacked subtlety) and he look pretty decent for a first time try at creating a superhero. And if you are going to rip-off He-Man, listen. There are easier ways to come out of the closet, don’t be ashamed of being gay! If you are, so-fucking-what? Nobody cares anymore and the people who do are inbred hicks who will shoot themselves in the brain for a laugh within the next decade.
While I’m here, I wanna ask something of you, our fans, could you vote for us on either Buzz or TWC (or both)? We’ve rarely made a big deal out of it but I wanna see if we can actually make it into the top ten on either comic. If you could vote for EN we’d be very appreciative. Thanks a lot and I’ll see you guys on Friday.
I’m not actually sure if this comic is funny or not. Sorry if it isn’t. (Edit: after much thought, yes this comic fucking sucks – Lothar)
Apparently someone didn’t take kindly to my news post on Half-Life 2 on Tuesday. Basically, he came on the forums, copy and pasted (or so he claims) a post on Halo 2 that was just plain annoying, and also implied I lack intelligence (fair comment really). I banned him cos I’m not having idiots on the forums (I own the franchise damnit). Emails were exchanged as were insults. But the basic idea of his post was that he says that diversity of opinions is a good thing. HOWEVER, because I swore and didn’t play more than a third of Half-Life 2, I should not have voiced my opinion.
Hang on…
Sorry people, that’s not how it works. I found the game dull, unoriginal, and the features that have been celebrated elsewhere, such as the physics engine and Gravity Gun, did not impress me. I also had no will to play the game pass the section I did, and you know what. I am going to say that because I have a right too. And yes people, you have these rights too! So go on, hate *insert game X here*, you’re allowed to, just like I am allowed to like it. And we are both allowed to have arguments over it. But under no circumstances is someone going to tell me I can’t voice my opinion because I didn’t meet their criteria for having one about a computer game.
As for the swearing thing, I’ve sworn worse than that in other rants about other subjects yet I had yet to receive an email from this person until I swore in a rant concerning one of his favourite games. Odd how that works.
And before anyone asks me that if I think arguments and different opinions are fine, why did I ban him from the forums? Here’s why:
1) Arguments and opinions are fine, but registering solely for the reason to piss me off isn’t.
2) Acting like a twat in general isn’t tolerated.
3) While a good chunk of the world is a democracy where people can say whatever the fuck they want and have it protected under free speech laws (unless it’s under the Terrorism Act of course, where you can be bunged in jail for years for no good reason. Thank you for that “brilliant” idea Bush and Blair) , forums are not. They are ruled by cruel and merciless creatures who will delete your posts if you act like a complete and utter twonk or post stupid shit like “I hate asian/black/white/etc people”. If you are one of the people who do the latter, please fuck off and die.
I was going to talk about my experience in the City of Heroes European Beta this week, but I’m fucking knackered so I’ll save that for Tuesday. Later.
Silv’s first Tuesday update, woo. And peeling off skin and rolling around in salt should only be done by trained stuntmen. That’s why they have the stupidly expensive health insurance after all.
Got some new fanart this week, it’s a very cool pic of Lothar by Demon Aero. I think it’s incredibly cool, thanks a lot man.
So I got a brand new shiny PC recently, and to celebrate I’d though I’d get Half-Life 2 since everyone was going on about It. That’s was a big mistake as Half-Life 2 is one of the dullest games I have ever played. I spent two hours walking around a sewer/canal system, jumping on pipes while SOMETIMES getting attacked by enemies as thick as the Berlin Wall. And sometimes Manhacks, which were fun and annoying considering the only really useful weapon against them was the crowbar. Admittedly the Gravity Gun was fun, for about 5 minutes, but I don’t see how the hell all the reviews I read make it seem like the greatest thing in a game ever, as after a while it just becomes another gun. I got through Ravenholm when I realised I was pretty much bored for the entire game, the only bit I think I really liked was when I did jumps in the airboat, and ONLY the jumps. So I uninstalled it and used the hard drive space to back up everything on EN.
What I especially don’t get is the falderal (there’s a word I never thought I would use) about the physics engine. Fair enough it’s impressive but for fucks sake, does Valve have to make me notice it? OK Valve, I get it, these wooden boards I have to break every 20ft to progress break apart just like they would in real life, CAN I PLEASE GET ON WITH THE FUCKING GAME NOW? And these barrels roll around like they do in real life right? I DON’T FUCKING CARE ABOUT BARRELS! JUST LET ME GET ON WITH THE FUCKING GAME! Like I said the Gravity Gun is fun and uses these physics well, but even then I don’t care. “OMG! YOU CAN PICK UP A TOILET AND THROW IT AT THE ENEMIES!” Ok…and? In the end the Gravity Gun and the physics, while technically impressive, are not really selling points to me. I don’t fucking care, I care about if they make the game any fun, and they don’t.
The combat in the game was OK but you don’t do a lot of that, instead you spend a lot of time walking around waiting for an attack, and maybe solving the odd “puzzle”. And by puzzle, I mean looking for a handle, turning it, and continuing on.
The story isn’t that impressive or original either. Its basically rips off George Orwell’s “1984” and “Big Brother” and throws in a little of H.G. Wells “War of the Worlds” as well. And then throw in some characters that I like (Alyx, Barney and that black guy with the fake leg who I forget the name of) bust mostly with ones I just want to shoot. People have told me the ending is crap in the way Halo 2’s was. The difference was that even though in Halo 2 the ending was trying to be far too epics for its own good, I really like Halo’s overall story. Half-Life 2’s I couldn’t give two shits about. The way it was presented is interesting though, as you see everything through “your” eyes, no cutscenes at all. It’s something that should be seen in a view more games, though one or two have touched on it, but not to this degree. A drawback of this presentation is that it makes Gordon Freeman utterly un-likeable, because he has ZERO personality. I suppose this is supposed to make you feel like that you ARE Gordon Freeman, but for me it just made me want to meet Gordon and smack him in the face with his own crowbar.
Ultimately Half-Life 2 is dull and lacked a crucial element for games. FUN. I bet I’ll get a few emails telling me I should have kept playing to get to the “good” parts. But I am not spending 4 hours bored out of my skull to play some part of the game that everyone says is good, but I’ll probably don’t like. I’m also gonna assume I will get emails from people saying there is something wrong with me for not liking the game. FUCK YOU ALRIGHT?! FUCK YOU RIGHT UP YOUR GOD DAMN ARSEHOLES! You like Half-Life 2? FINE. I don’t, FUCKING DEAL WITH IT! And just to point out, I’m not the only one who isn’t a fan. So Half-Life 2 is dull, and anyone who starts sending me retarded emails about it can just go and get Syphilis off a prostitute. GOT THAT?!
Enjoy the comic, later.
Lothar is busy doing… something. Probably burning his Hl2 disc or something, and as such can’t update. That said, microwaving a disc would be quite amusing. For lack of much else to add, if you have any amusing ways in which to destroy a Half-Life 2 disc, tell us. If I can be bothered to remember, I’ll post the more amusing ones on the site next Friday.
Also, if some of you are in fact stalking me (Which I doubt, but you never know) you’d know I got in on the City of Heroes EU Beta and have dedicated my evenings to getting my arse beaten by a horde of level twelve Outcasts, Trolls, or the unholy hordes of the Clockwork King. I created a Blaster (That is, a superhero that uses ranged attacks) with a Technology origin (His powers derive from the body armour he built), with the Assault Rifle/Devices power sets (Yes, I laughed at the idea of a gun being a superpower too. I guess that makes the US a nation of “capes”, then). I kitted him out in full armour, sprayed him green and dark red and dubbed him “Shockwave”, his full title being “Shockwave, the Amazing Man of Science”. Admittedly, he has a crappy origin (Poisoned by Circle of Thorns, yadda-yadda, seeks vengence, yadda-yadda, is a Brit) but I took time to try something original. And I daresay a few have.
But thus far, I have seen two Wolverine ripoffs (One called “BloodyLogan”), a Nightcrawler, a “Saiyan” (or however you spell the damnfool thing), an Agent Smith, heard rumours of numerous Hulk ripoffs, in addition to typical “l337″ names. Their costumes are pretty pants, being either direct rip-offs or just generated randomly. Now, this depresses me. It just goes to show people are really lazy, and just wish to play the grind rather than… roleplay. Which is what I try.
And yet, you see cool characters. Super Santa, was one I especially liked. Watching Santa smack the snot out of Council operatives was satisfying in the extreme. Also, a pair of low-level heroes I aided, they were pretty cool. ZOEL was one of them I think (Sorry if I got the name wrong), and unlike most people whom I help when they’re on the verge of being killed by something that is both big and ugly, was gracious and thanked me for my help. I had only really wanted to weaken the bugger so they could kill it… After all, we all were n00bs once, and giving one a little help makes the whole game a better, more relaxed and satisfying place to game. Bitching about kill theft (Or indeed stealing kills for your own gain) just drags the experience down, much like “5p1d3rm4n” and random costumes.
So, yes. People like BloodyLogan and Saiyan should have their bloody accounts wiped and told to be more original, especially as the devs are in the middle of a lawsuit with Marvel. Better yet, they should be forced to fight Cthulhu. Not in game. Actually taken to Ry’Leh and forced to face Great Cthulhu in mortal(ish) combat.
So in closing? People like that are dicks. People who steal kills for the sake of it are dicks. People who bitch about you stealing their kills when you’re saving them from highly probably death are dicks. But the rush of a level up, the feel of a new power, the thrill of butchering a group of thugs to save some old ladies purse… that is what makes the game worth playing. Flying through the air with the greatest of ease.
Join me, if you can. Look for Shockwave on the English beta Server. I’m lurking in the northern segment of Kings Row right now if you fancy smacking up a few Outcasts in Steel Canyon. I’m only level eleven, so please don’t expect me to go to The Hive or the Rikti crash site. Kay? Good.
~ Eastwood, his victory is only logical, citizen!
Yeah I know I said that Silv would be doing comics on a Tuesday, but he got caught up with University work. So instead we bring you filler, this comic originally appeared in Gamestyle’s downloadable magazine “Gamestyle Offline” but we needed filler so here it is.
On another note, can somebody explain to me why my new Nokia mobile phone DOSEN’T HAVE ONE SINGLE FUCKING NORMAL RINGTONE IN THEM AT ALL? Oh no, I have the fucking William Tell overture (in crappy “beep” format), a techno ring tone and fucking Tchaikovsky (chances of this being spelt right are 1/2000). Why can’t I get a normal bloody ring tone? I don’t want my phone to beep out a shite version of Beethoven’s 5th symphony, I want it to tell me when somebody is calling me!
And while I’m on the subject of Beethoven, Mozart and Tchaikovsky, why the hell do you never get any famous 16th/17th century composers with names like “Robert Jones”. Was having a stupid name a requirement for the job back then? I can just imagine Tchaikovsky going to the Job Centre…:
Desk Clerk: Ok sir, how may I help you?
Tchaikovsky: Yes I’ve just graduated from law school, top of my class and with a 100% average grade. I just need someone to point me in the right direction to a highly successful career chasing ambulances and making people lie in court about whiplash. It’s a funny thing whiplash, does anybody ever really have it?
Desk Clerk: Well that should be no problem, let me just enter your data into our system, which consists of a typewriter and several miles of entrails from dead chimps. Name?
Tchaikovsky: Piotr Tchaikovsky.
Desk Clerk: I’m sorry sir, but I can’t give you a job as a lawyer with a name like that.
Tchaikovsky: What do you mean? I spent 6 years of my life looking up laws such as it being perfectly legal for a woman to work in a tropical fish bar topless in Liverpool! (Actual law, no really look it up) I was going to retire there!
Desk Clerk: I’m sorry but with your name I’m afraid the only job available is “Famous Dead Composers”. Here’s your application form, have a nice day.
Tchaikovsky: I’LL GET YOU FOR THIS DESK CLERK! IF IT’S THE LAST THING I DO!
And thus began the career of Tchaikovsky, while the Desk Clerk died 30 years later in an all female orgy after slipping on a tube of lubricant, knocking himself unconscious and landing in the pool of maple syrup. Everybody at the funeral was extremely jealous.
Those of you who have been with EN since the beginning know we used to update twice a week, but had to change because Virus couldn’t do that and University work. So we switched to once a week. However, starting Tuesday EN will be updated twice a week again. But things will change slightly.
Basically, Silv will draw the comics on a Tuesday; Virus will draw the comics on a Friday. Same storyline, two different artists, twice as much EN. Ain’t that great?
Aside from that I don’t have much to talk about this week. Apart from I started writing reviews for one of our affiliates, Gamestyle.net. My first review was for Metal Slug Advance, you can read that here if you like. That’s all from me, see you Tuesday.
With any luck, the first, last and only appearance nessecery by Silversword within Exterminatus Now.
So, are we clear on the matter? I hope we’re clear on the matter. I get tired of correcting people. I mean, I was never exactly being subtle about the distinction. If I wanted the names to be interchangeable, I would’ve made them the same in the first place. :p
