On the other hand…
Some of us, on the opposite end of the spectrum, are Teen Titans fans, and don’t really give a crap if Lothar has a problem with it. :)
Some of us, on the opposite end of the spectrum, are Teen Titans fans, and don’t really give a crap if Lothar has a problem with it. :)
Edit, Monday 11th October: Apparently some members of the “International Fuckwit Patrol” lost “respect” for me after posting the rant in this update. You can see the topic on the GameFAQs board (certainly not renowned for their intelligent members) if you fancy searching for it. Seriously people, if you get angry at something that somebody posts on a site dedicated towards humour, you must be high on opinion and low on smarts. You have some serious mental and social problems. What I am trying to say here that if you are taking my comedic rants seriously, you sir, are a Fuckwit. Which in all honesty, just makes me look better :P.
And thus we have the return of your usual EN wackiness. Welcome back Virus. NEVER LEAVE AGAIN! *Gets the cattle prod*
One piece of new fan art this week. The Lothar Way by Ultimate Creature II.
I wanna know something. What the bloody hell is the big deal about this cartoon I keep hearing about? “The Teen Titans”. If you haven’t heard of it, it’s a cartoon where they take an assortment of DC comics teenagers and ENTRUST THEM WITH THE SAFETY OF AN ENTIRE FUCKING CITY!
Does anybody not see there is something really wrong with that? How crappy must these kids parents be agree to this kinda thing? I don’t care how fucking super-powerful they are; teenagers should not be entrusted with the safety of anything for more than an hour. Any longer and they’ll either get drunk, write angsty poetry, listen to horrible music or break something. Usually a combination of the four.
Since I haven’t actually seen Teen Titans, what with not paying for Digital/Cable TV considering the only thing my family ever watched was Sky One and the rest was a fucking rip off. I did a little research into the characters, (which means I did a goggle search and clicked on the very first link, which was shite fan page). In no particular order here is my analysis:
Cyborg: Some stupid kid got in an accident so horrible they fucked around with his internal organs and made him a Cyborg, and named him “Cyborg”, because they spent all the budget on his parts they couldn’t think of a more original name. Look if the kid got in an accident so bad that you had to replace a good 80% of his body with metal, what’s gonna happen when you send the same kid out into horrendously dangerous situations and equip him with lots of things that go “boom” and super strength? Chances are he’s gonna either be dead in the hour, break everything within a ten mile radius, or both. Oh apparently he has anger problems too. Anger problems plus super strength and lots of weapons is a combination for a super VILLIAN!
He’s also lost his penis. That’s gotta be a big blow to the old self-esteem.
Starfire: An Orange alien chick that flies and shoots energy blasts and is orange. It looks like the creators of the show/comic/whatever circumvented the need for secret identities in the fact that nobody seems to bloody give a shit, so we have this orange alien chick walking around as her normally orange self and nobody cares. She apparently is also going through puberty. I don’t wanna be around Titan HQ when she has her first alien period. Energy blasts + mood swings are not a good combination.
She also wants to hump the team leader, Robin. Go fig.
Raven: Well we need an angsty Goth chick in the mix don’t we? Look I’m not going to take the piss out of the angsty Goth chick as it’s far too easy, so here’s a picture of her molesting a chicken instead.
Beast Boy: He’s green and turns into any animal he can think of. That’s about it. Now to be honest I cannot think of a situation that any hero can get into where they would need an animal to help them. Aside from maybe sending their tiny pet out of a cell and fetching the keys. That’s about all superhero animals are good for. Aside from that, any problem that a superhero faces can be fixed with mindless violence and a lose grasp of physics. I mean seriously, lets take a normal superhero situation. Beast Boy is surrounded by a villain’s henchmen who have lots of guns. So Beastie turns into something really tough to beat the crap out of them, first thing that comes to mind is a Gorilla.
See, now the thing is, guns still work on Gorillas. In fact, guns are what people use to hunt, capture, and sometimes kill Gorillas with. If there were anything that could be classed as a Gorillas weakness, it would be guns.
Robin: OK, now this is just pathetic. ROBIN IS THEIR LEADER? ROBIN? BATMANS PERSONAL SEX SLAVE? Look, its bad enough sending angsty teenagers into battle against people who would give Superman a hard time, but making their leader ROBIN? Come on, that is not just dangerous, that’s signing everyone on the team’s death warrants! This fan site bio describes Robin as being able to kick the shit out of the other Teen Titans due to experience and training. You know what all that experience boiled down to? Getting captured and having Batman save his arse every 5 minutes.
The only “power” Robin has is getting fucked up the arse by Batman on a daily basis, usually in front of Batman’s Villians, usually the Joker. Who, despite hanging out with a hot young blonde who wore nothing but skin-tight outfits, was not fooling anybody.
Anyway, my point is, Robins sucks, a lot. My 10-year-old cousin could beat up Robin for God’s sake.
There was another one, but she’s dead so I didn’t bother writing anything insulting about her. She’s dead, and the rest are all still alive. She must fucking SUCK big time.
Also, apparently these Teen Titans live in a massive “T” shaped building, and it’s always getting attacked by villains. See this is why you shouldn’t put your secret fucking headquarters at the top of a hill overlooking the city, while using it to spell out part of you name. Sure it may look cool, but everybody knows where you and all your stuff is. And if they are villains, they may want to break your stuff, and more importantly, your face.
Laters.
One pic of the EN crew, courtesy of Psyguy.
And a rather nice pic it is too, I might add. :)
And in marginally related news, I really need to double check my html before I post things.
You will notice that this weeks issue is not your typical EN. Basically last night Virus got some really really bad news (I’m not saying what unless Virus says its OK) and was unable to finish the comic. Luckily, Alan (Mr OMA) of The Rogues Gallery provided this as fanart. So I put this up for you to read. Thanks Alan.
New fan art this week:
1) Baby Eastwood by Neko of Doom
2) Baby Ryoushi (Rogue) by Lady Katana.
3) Lothar as Aeris 0.o by Ultimate Creature II (I’m coming for your skull btw)
EN turned ONE WHOLE YEAR OLD! Now You’d think I’d have a long post to talk about the various achievements and stuff. But you’d be wrong. I don’t have ANYTHING to talk about. Except something of a request. Ya see Casey of AlterMeta think we could make it into the top ten of BuzzComix or TWC. You think you can prove him right? We never make a big deal out of voting so I was wondering if we could actually make it into the Top Ten. So VOTE VOTE VOTE! Or you will make Casey a liar!
[Edit] October 1st 2004: Look, don’t expect a new comic today, as Virus’ Grandfather just died. My condolences to your family Virus. Take all the time you need buddy. [/edit]
Again with the new comic. Hopefully this will make up for the rather lacklustre effort I put in when writing last weeks comic. As always Virus provides excellent art. Keep it up man.
Hey I just realised Exterminatus Now turns one year old next week. Well that snuck up on us.
This week I’ve been reliving my mid-eighties/early nineties childhood by watching my new Transformers Season 2 Boxset DVDs. Let me tell you, this show is just the sort of thing a cynical bastard enjoys. Its got all the things you love and remember from being a kid, except now you can laugh at all the really stupid shit that happens in the show.
Seriously if its not stupid crap like the animators colouring the damn characters wrong it’s just the inane plans the Decepticons come up with. Example, one episode had the Decepticons found a shaft that led to the Earth’s core in an ancient ruined Inca temple that provided limitless energy. So what did they do with this unlimited energy source? Put it in energon cubes and ship it off to Cybertron (like every week)? Nope! They made a gun out of it so they could shoot at everything within a 100ft radius of the temple. Yes, that really put the fear of God in the Autobots that episode.
Anyway, nothing substantial for me to add this week, as I’ve been awake since 3am Thursday. Brain tends to not wanna write anything for more than 5 minutes. So later.
It was either this or a crappy joke about “going out to launch”. Bloody ungrateful cast members. Ok its probably the least funny one I’ve written in a while, but meh. They can’t all be “THE LOTHAR WAY” can they?
New fan art this week, by our resident fangirl JuniChan (bloody hell she’s turned up a lot in these news-posts hasn’t she?), entitled Baby Lothar. I’d hate her, but it’s a damn good pic.
Bit of an interesting news week in the UK, because we’ve had TWO major breaches of security, one at Buckingham Palace and another at the Houses of Parliament. The first one at Buckingham Palace was committed by “Fathers for Justice”, a group who work towards getting fathers allowed to see their kids after divorces. Which is a good cause. You may remember them from when they attacked Tony Blair with a condom full of purple flour a couple of months ago. Basically the group does wacky things like dress up as superheroes and hangs out on bridges. This time however, they got a bloke dressed as Batman to climb Buckingham Palace and stick a banner on the main balcony.
Ok first of all, Fathers for Justice? It’s kind of hard to take you seriously when you are constantly climbing things in your underwear. Yeah sure it is impressive, but I doubt many people start going “DADS HAVE RIGHTS TOO”, more likely they go “Look at that fucking nutter!”
And while you were at it, why didn’t you do something useful, like go up to the Queen and slap her stupid extinct monarchist face?
And palace security blokes? What the fucking hell were you doing while this guy was climbing the Queens house? Seriously? I can’t think of anything that you would be doing that would make you not notice a bloke in tights walking around the palace grounds. Although you did let a bloke dressed as Osama Bin Laden within 2 feet of Prince William so I guess this kinda shit is run-of-the-mill for you. Seriously, if nutters dressed as superheroes or terrorists can walk up to the royalty how come we never get anyone useful doing it? Like military personnel so they can walk up to the Queen and say “Yeah the country doesn’t want you any more, you’re fired.” Although maybe that’s the plan, make security so crap that somebody who hates the monarchy will get in and do some damage? Hell a journalist managed to get a job as butler with a PUB as a reference. So I don’t see any trained assassins having any problems getting in.
The second security breach this week was done at the Houses of Parliament as they were planning to ban fox hunting, which I’m not bothered about either way. I just like the idea that all the elitist “Upper Class” wankers won’t be able to enjoy their favourite past time any more. And I shall laugh at them. A lot. Basically they managed to storm into the Commons as the law was being passed. They did get arrested and moved out a few minutes later, but to be frank they should not have got in there in the first place. Its not hard to spot whom belongs in parliament who doesn’t. “Bloke in suit, bloke in suits, tosser in white T-shirt…hang on!” Just to point out, the law got passed and Fox Hunting will be banned in England by 2006. *Points and laughs at elitist wankers*
But seriously, I have the feeling that with all these other security breaches, I could walk up to #10 Downing Street knock on the door and nobody would think it was odd until I punched Tony Blair in the face and tattoed “I LOVE GEORGE BUSH” on his forehead.
Woo that was a long rant, until next week people, cya later.
Everyone get comfortable, this new storyline is gonna take a while.
I have an update regarding a little rant about Japan that accompanied the comic two weeks ago. Thanks to some a reliable source (our ever-loving fangirl JuniChan) it turns out that the sinks in Japan DO have 3 taps on their sinks. “Hot”, “cold” and “drinking water” and also according to JuniChan it tastes funny.
I WAS RIGHT BWAHAHAHAHA!
*Ahem*
Anyway because of this I now know that if this theory of mine was true, ALL my bat-shit crazy theories are true. These include:
1) Wallpaper if actually a living breathing creature that survives by sucking the radiation from our walls.
2) The notes pages in the back of game manuals are actually used by MI6 to carry secret coded messages about Japans evil death satellites of DOOM.
3) The worlds common sense supply is running dangerously low.
4) We can solve the forthcoming energy crisis by harnessing the power of Welsh sheep shaggers. The amount of static electricity from the constant humping and the Sheep’s wool from just 50 Welsh/Sheep couplings is 1000 times more powerful than that produced by a nuclear reactor!
5) And finally. I like cake.
Well that’s all from me, except to say IF YOU OWN A PS2 OR XBOX YOU ARE HEREBY ORDERED TO GO PICK UP A COPY OF BURNOUT 3. IF YOU DON’T YOU’RE A BASTARD DEVIL HEATEN!
This has been a “crazy man Lothar” announcemnt. Laters.
Edit, Friday 10th, 7:36pm: Congratulations to Mike “Gabe” Krauhlik of Penny Arcade on the birth of his son, Gabriel Aden Krahulik.
There should be some new fan art this week, as I think Virus said he was going to upload some. If not I’ll do it later.
Right something that annoys me, lately in the UK we have been BOMBARDED with “The Top 100 *insert something here* Moments” or “The Best Children’s TV Moments”. If anyone who reads this works at any British TV station, I want to tell you something.
What I DO give a shit about is what you think are the top 100 scary TV and film moments. I watched this one out of boredom and lack of being able to sleep, and apparently their audience though that “Here’s Johnny” from Stanley Kubricks “The Shining” was the scariest movie moment ever.
BULL-FUCKING-SHIT. I can think of at least 10 different scenes from that movie that were much more frightening. I also think that “The Exorcist” is not “scary” just plain FUCKED UP and disgusting. You want a scary film? How about the film “Event Horizon” where people (Sam Neil and Nameless Extra) are ripping their own fucking EYES out?! Oh wait, Event Horizon wasn’t even on the bloody list, at all,wankers. You know what is also scary? The fact I slept fine after seeing all of these films.
But I will give you the scariest film in all creation:
Oh and while I am here, one more thing.
STOP EMAILING AND INSTANT MESSAGING ME FOR ART ADVICE, I’M THE FUCKING WRITER, NOT THE ARTIST. YOU WANT ART ADVICE? GO TO VIRUS OR SILVERSWORD DAMNIT!
Thats all from me for now.
BEWARE! I LIVE!
Yes, you could say this has been a somewhat dull week. However, two things have come up, the first which may matter to you. The second counts if you have taste in games.
Rather simple, really.
I have G-Mail invites. You people have artistic talent. Ergo, you draw me pics of Eastwood and the best get a
I have G-Mail invite to use as they so desire. Simple, yes?
Now, I’ve gotta lay down some ground rules here first.
*I guess the primary is no sprites. Pixel art is cool, sprites aren’t.
*Nothing XXX rated. Drawing Eastwood engaing in acts of a sexual nature with the Seducer “girls”, that Dalmation cop or furry femmes will result in me yelling at you. However…
*Not as much if you draw Eastwood yaoi. The last thing I want to see is Eastwood and Lothar engaging in anal buttlove.
*It’s an Eastwood art competition. Yes, throw in other characters, but the point is to make Eastwood the focus of the picture.
*How you choose to respresent Hal is up to you. Human, furry, Chao, machine, Japanese Anime Ladyboy… Up to you. I welcome it all.
The closing date? 30th of September. A whole month. Send yer pics in JPEG, GIF or PNG format. You send me bitmaps and I’ll yell at you.
Address all entries as “Competition Time” and send them down to…
eastwood1427 AT gmail DOT com
I think your clever enough boys and girls to work out what the address is.
I have got another video game obsession. This one, however, eclipses Dawn of War completely in that I cancelled my pre-order to focus my money on purchasing it.
That’s right. Evil Genius.
For those too lazy to click the link, in Evil genius you play the role of one of three supervillains (Maximillian, Shen-Yu and Alexis) and are given the task of recruiting an army of minions (Like workers, guards, scientists) and henchmen (Such as The Matron or Eli Barracuda), constructing a vast base (Complete with Tesla Coils, Spinning Saw Blades and Exploding Coconut Trees), capturing super Agents (Such as John Steele and Dirk Masters), eliminating government operatives (Such as agents of ANVIL, PATRIOT or SABRE) and eventually constructing a vast superweapons and threatening global security.
So you play the role of a typical 60′s spy movie villain then.
The demo is a true bundle of fun, though the island and the available space to build is tiny and much of the items and features in the full version are unavailable. Comes out in around 4 weeks, so it’ll be a blast.
Did you miss me? Did you even notice I was gone?
…Liar. You did no such thing.
Anyway. Yes. I’ve been gone a while, thanks to a somewhat unpredictable network card. On the upside, it is fixed now, though it seems to have been… contagious, since it now plagues by brother instead.
Anywho. Something you missed while I was gone which I wanted to share:
Buy one get one free cars. A stranger offer I have yet to see.